I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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