My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
