You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
sex in a hospital.. check
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
