i can't believe i had my finger in that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
