there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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