i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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