Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize