I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
