I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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