i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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