What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
