I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
