I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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