just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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