Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
