Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
