I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
