don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
