This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
