You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
