that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize