OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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