Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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