theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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