probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
