May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
