capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
