I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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