I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
