apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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