if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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