Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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