Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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