you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
