i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
there is puke in my bra ... again
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