9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
