I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize