So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Houston, we have a blender
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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