Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
