you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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