Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
