So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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