do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
