I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
