Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
