I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
