so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
