I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You did what with his pubic hair?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
