I accidentally burped into my bong.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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