peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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