didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
