The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
this is an emotional support booty call
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
