I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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