oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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