i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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