I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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