do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think your dad took our porno
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
