oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
