He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
