i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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