i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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