Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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