Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
