I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
