Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
