is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
