i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
