"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
